Squat and Gobble

Now Eli knows what the bombers from World War II thought.....it's easy to miss from this height.........

My Better Half

'Tis the season to be thankful, so I thought it would be appropriate to write about my wife, Kelly. The old adages are "battle axe" or "old lady", and these terms are usually used derisively. In fact, on the way home from the airport Friday, some loudmouth was talking with one of his buddies about getting home to the "ball and chain". I am amazed to listen to other men talk about their wives, and it is usually coupled with statements of misery.

With me, however, it is just the opposite, and I guess that's what happens when you marry your best friend. I have never once thought of myself as miserable because of my marriage. In fact, after 14 years of said marriage, I have grown even closer to the woman I love. When it comes to our children, Kelly puts her entire life on hold to make sure they are cared for. She always puts the kids and me first with no complaints.

Today we attended our Sunday school class where the topic was marriage and relationships. We listened to stories of other couples fighting, not speaking, constantly arguing, etc. I looked at Kelly and just smiled, still marveling at her beauty. Sure we fight and have our disagreements, but show me a marriage that doesn't. The one thing I love more than anything about Kelly is her ability to laugh and have fun. As the three boys and I descend into bathroom humor, she is right there with us, cutting up and cracking her own jokes.


I love how she can make me laugh. I love how much she gives of herself. I love how she constantly stresses over our children's well being with no thoughts about her own. I love how she gets overly excited about sales at department stores. I love the fact that she knows better than to ask me to go shopping with her, because she knows I will make her miserable. I love her hair. I love her ability to teach children how to dance. I love her classiness. I love her southern accent.

I never imagined being married with kids would be easy. But when you marry your soul-mate, it makes it wonderful. I thank God every day I have her, and if I ever lost her, I would never be the same. She is my life.

Hot Air?

I have just returned from my first successful duck hunt, and I froze my ass off. I could have used some of Al Gore's hot global warming air to unfreeze my feet. This picture says it all....and the fact that he won't debate the "global warming" issue because the debate is over is insane. Yesterday these holier than thou politicians sat on a panel to discuss ways to help with the impending planetary crisis. I say my ass......you idiots should have been in the blind with me this morning.

My wife drives a tank of a vehicle not because I want to destroy the planet, but because of the freedoms I have, I chose to buy her the biggest, safest vehicle possible to protect her and the kids. Yes the planet may be warming, but last time I checked, my local weatherman can hardly predict the weather 2 days from now.....and we are to believe that in 20 years New York will be under water? Please...for every doom and gloom article or movie, there is a counter-argument. Kind of like scientists tell us one month that chocolate may help stave off cancer, while the next month a new study says chocolate contributes to cancer.

I was told as a child not to litter. I still to this day try not to litter. According to scientists, the earth's air and water are cleaner now than 20 years ago. I am tired of being made to feel guilty because we have a large car, a large house, and eat certain types of food. We as a family are not trying to destroy anything. We are trying to do what is best for our family, and we actually do conserve when possible. But I do not try to scare my kids into thinking that if we continue driving them around town, in 20 years the town will be flood land. Cool it, guys. There are proven issues we need to be more concerned about.

Up and away.....

I am off this morning to fly out to Fort Smith, Arkansas for a factory tour and 2 day duck hunt, where I will be staying at the appropriately named "Buck Shot Duck Lodge". Needless to say, this is "work" because I am taking customers with me. I am very excited about the trip, but I am extremely nervous for two reasons: I haven't flown since 1999, and I am leaving Kelly and the boys behind. I hate leaving them, and last night it about killed me because I told our 3 year old Eli I was going hunting, and he followed me around all night saying "I want to go hunning wiv u"........

I don't know which is worse, the flying or the leaving. I guess it is the leaving because the flight is a relatively short jaunt of only 2 hours. It will be over before it starts. Yes I will be busy for the most part, but the down time is what gets to me. I will miss Kelly bustling around the house at 90 miles an hour to get our kids ready for school. I will miss the interminable fights between Hagen and Clay. I will miss the races that ensue when Eli grabs one of Clay's toys. I will miss nights like last night where we all sat around and watched "Shrek the Halls". I will miss Kelly's humor, and the way she jumps right in when me and the three boys start our evening "bathroom humor" (which is usually right in the middle of dinner). I will miss being able to check on the boys and steal one last good night kiss from Eli before heading to bed (Hagen and Clay have sadly outgrown the kissing thing).

It's funny...the things I will miss the most are at times the things that drive me crazy. When I am at home, half the time I want to kill my kids for their behavior. But when I am gone, that's the stuff I miss. I just pray for my safety and theirs, and I pray that Kelly can sleep. For some reason when I leave, she has a terrible time getting to sleep. So she whiles away on the internet until the wee hours of the morning. Kelly has informed me that she is watching "Hairspray" all by herself tonight, because she knows we would have no part of it. I know she will miss me, but she does gain one thing when I leave: remote "control".

Ducks in hand, I will return Friday to reality, hopefully having secured more business for my company. These trips are actually good for our business, as we are such a relational type of industry. I am blessed to work for such a good company, and blessed to have opportunities such as these. Kelly thinks I entertain clients solely for fun, but actually having lunch with a contractor can be stressful because I always have to be on my game, and have to be an intent listener even when I am bored out of my mind. But home is never boring. Do I pull my hair out? Yes. Is it worth it? When I see my wife and kids, absolutely. I work for them. Even when the work is play.

Why The Title??

I thought I would clear this up since my sister just asked me if I was a burn victim who roots for the UGA bulldogs. These are two things I am passionate about....karate and my beloved Bulldogs. The second degree part is my black-belt. Of course this picture is two knee surgeries ago, so I don't flip anymore. But I still break things when my Dawgs lose.

The Fam

Three boys, ages 10, 8 and 3 are what run our lives. Yes, they are a joy, but they daily push the limit of patience. My wife Kelly of 14 years has the unenviable task of staying at home to raise them, and it is easy to sense a trying day when I walk through the door and see that look of stress. Usually the culprit is homework, where she has had to relearn long division, America's colonies, and how to undangle a participle. All this while with one arm trying to fend off a screaming 3-year old who wants more juice because he has dumped the remainder on our new rug.

Homework, fortunately, is not something I am involved in because it is usually finished by the time I get home. Meting out punishment, however, is a part of my responsibilities. Yesterday our 7-year old was a witness to a skirmish on the bus. A boy kneed another in the head, and he was promptly punished. But we soon found out the perp was incited by our child, who was mad at him and called him a "fumdart". For some reason the slighted kid took out his aggression on another child, and that's why our son Clay claimed his witness status. I was proud he used this term instead of "the big one", and laughed about it much to the chagrin of my wife. Needless to say he is now grounded, even though he still got a recent birthday party with presents and cake. Grounding a child from his own party is quite impossible......

Our three year old presents his own challenges because he is constantly surrounded by older kids. Unfortunately, he has figured out how to entertain them. An example is that he likes to pee outside no matter the temperature. The reason he continues to do this even though we have told him no is because his two older brothers are rolling on the ground in tears. Heck if it makes them laugh, must be cool. But don't cross him. Once our 10 year old, Hagen, hit the little one because he had messed up a toy. After much crying and consternation, Eli promptly went right into Hagen's room and "shoo-shooed" in his bed. Hagen discovered this "surprise" when he went to bed, and he wanted to hit Eli again. We held him back, washed his sheets, and laughed where Hagen could not see our faces.

Challenging? Give me a 10 year old (Hagen) who used to cry if you sang "Happy Birthday" to him at his own party. This is only the beginning of quirks. He is the consummate artist, and he lives in a world of imagination. This drives me nuts because sports is the farthest thing from his mind. He even calls football stupid because of the shape of the ball. Believe me, I find this insulting because I sit entire Saturdays and Sundays watching it, and live and die by my two favorite teams, the Georgia Bulldogs and the Atlanta Falcons. I dream of one day being able to watch sports with him, but right now he is content to imagine himself Luke Skywalker defending off Dementors. Oh well. But he is one of the most thoughtful and compassionate kids I have ever seen.

My wife and I are truly blessed to have three happy, healthy boys. But at times, we wonder why we did it. I have found you do not appreciate your parents until you have kids of your own, and then your parents get to laugh at you. Can't wait to laugh at my kids......